29 November 2009

updates...what updates?!?

Yes, I owe you an update...but frankly I'm tired...

I had an excellent visit with the kiddos...a great drive back home...got things accomplished...learned some things...

I'll post more later, when I'm able to compose my thoughts into something that would be worth you reading and add some pictures that you might like to see :)

In the meantime, check out my daily posts at my project 365 blog.

22 November 2009

in Florida...

with the kiddos this weekend :D :D :D :D

enjoying my time and will update more later!

11 November 2009

Project 365

Okay, here it is...after a little thought and a little encouragement from a few friends and a HUGE desire to finally learn more about using my camera and taking great pictures...I have decided to launch into Project 365. I'm challenging myself to take and post one picture a day for an entire year. I will be posting these pictures on a new blog so that they can stand on their own and not become lost in my ramblings of my day to day life. Check it out and hopefully you'll enjoy...a little encouragement to keep me going would be good too :)

my project 365

04 November 2009

busy, busy bee

I have been very busy in the last couple weeks. It all started with the Habitat build, I got a taste of productivity and a sense of being needed, it was just what I needed to get motivated to moving forward in my life.

So, in the past week or so I have:
  • started working, part-time but it's work and I love it
  • started singing in the church choir
  • continued with my Boundaries class at church
  • continued to read my way through the Count of Monte Cristo...and I'm really enjoying this read :)
  • helped Dad winterize the swimming pool
  • planted crocus and tulip bulbs in the garden
  • started knitting on a new pair of sock for myself
  • made progress on knitting my sweater...I've only been working on it since Margaret was born (2 1/2 years!)...I hope I can finish it this year
  • spackled and sanded the walls in the basement and stairwell (working on a project Mom started)
  • painted said walls, the top half of them, the bottom still needs some primer before finishing
  • organised my room so that it is now a place of my own...still need to find some pictures to hang on the walls, but at least the packing boxes are no longer taking up space on the floor
  • organised my filing cabinet, going through papers from as far back as 12 years ago, throwing away 2 big garbage bags of said papers and appropriately filing the rest
  • sorted through clothes in my closet and drawers and designated 1 big bag for donations...I still have some to add though
  • gotten back to working on my thesis...working on some reading and figuring out my methodology
  • created a calendar and to-do list for myself...this consists of projects in the house, knitting projects, scheduled thesis work time and deadlines
All of this has brought me to a sense of belonging...I'm settling in here...I have a purpose...I'm happy...no matter what is thrown my way, I will take it in stride...nothing can bring me down again...

Yes, I have my moments when the tears well up and I wish I could just hold my kids and never let them go, and I sit in their rooms here and hold their stuffed animals and find the strength to go on...I am doing what I need to do for the sake of my kids...and they will know that and appreciate that one day.

In the meantime, I keep busy, I build relationships in this community and I continue to pray for God's will to be done.

25 October 2009

finally taking root

The past few weeks have brought some interesting emotional highs and lows. Really, I should know to expect them, they have been a fact of my life for a while now. I guess I was just unprepared because here I was thinking that things were finally settling down and I was beginning to be able to make a new start in life.

I was in desperate need of getting away from it all for a while, I needed the mental break from dealing with the process of establishing a new parenting plan and figuring child-support and the difficulty of making everybody happy in the meantime. I was also due for a visit with my kids, three weeks without them is really tough. So, I took off on a road trip to visit friends and ultimately end up in Gainesville to spend a long weekend with the kiddos.

I left on a Wednesday and drove down to South Carolina to spend a couple days with my dearest friend Carole and her family. Her baby girl is about 3 months old now, and I had not gotten to hug and hold and spoil her. So, baby Emma got a visit from her Auntie Sharon...and I can't wait to go back to see her! Carole and I spent a couple days going shopping, staying up late talking and reminiscing and just generally having a great time together.

Next stop was Virgina to visit another dear friend. Matt just recently started his new job as a French teacher at a private school near South Boston, VA and he happened to be on break this week. It was a wonderful visit, doing a lot of nothing...staying up late, sleeping in, catching up on life...we did take a drive along the Blue Ridge Parkway and also out to Appomattox and into Lynchburg, were we met another very special friend of mine for dinner...Rick and I spent a good amount of time chatting about the old times in high school and where everybody was these days (I'll get up there again soon to see him and his wife and baby). My time in Virginia made me realize how much I really missed it up there.

Then it was on to Gainesville to see my babies. I was dreading this visit for one reason, this was the visit to tell them that I would be staying in Indiana to complete my PhD and that I would see them on a monthly basis and also for school breaks. I think this was one of the hardest things for me to do, ever. After, that hurdle was jumped over, we settled into Becka's home for the weekend and ended up having a decent visit. It was a very stressful visit for me, but I think they will each get better as we all get used to this routine.

This trip happened to coincide with the University of Florida's homecoming weekend and so I took the kids to the homecoming parade and we watched the Gator game together. I also bought them each their Halloween costumes and we played in a park. We went to church and just generally tried to spend some good time together...it was difficult to tear them away from the computer and TV at times, but I'll figure out how to prioritize my time with them a little better for the next time.

Coming back to Indiana was both difficult and easy. I discovered that I really do not enjoy being in Florida anymore, particularly when its almost 90 degrees in October, but coming back home, with no job and having to face the reality of my life was not a pleasant thought either. I had some really tough moments with Mom & Dad, figuring out where we all are in this process emotionally, figuring out how much more we can handle...and I think that we are ready for whatever is yet to come.

I took a drive up to Bloomington to finally meet Dr. Auger and see the campus...I think I'll love it there. Dr. Auger is a wonderful person and I really look forward to working with her over the next few years and the campus is simply beautiful!

I also found a job, well, mom helped me find it. I start tomorrow, working in a daycare center, part-time, but it's a job, I can't turn it down when there are no other offers. I'm building relationships with people in the church, finally getting out to meet people. Dad and I worked on a Habitat build this weekend, good, quality time with other people, something I've been in need of.

So, this past week, I went from feeling like I was floating around with no place to call my own, to finally feeling like I'm taking root in this community and in this state. I think I'll be okay here...it might still take a little more time...but I'll be okay.

04 October 2009

life in small-town USA


This week brought a true taste of what life is like in a small farming community. This Saturday was the church's 2nd annual hog roast. These types of social events are a huge part of little Mt. Vernon. Every church has an annual social...pork chop dinners, hog roasts, the list is incredibly long for a town of 7500 people (there are a lot of churches here). Mom's church does the hog roast...a time for working together, fellowship, food and fun. It was so good to be a part of it, these are hard-working people and it is good to work alongside good people.


I came to Mom's office with her several days this week too...I'm not sure how she ever gets anything done...she pretty much has a revolving door, there is always someone coming in, for some reason or another. I also went and got my Indiana driver's license...and I had to take the written test to get it! I've also been filling out job applications...need to find something to start paying all those bills I have :)


This week is road trip time! The plan is to visit some friends and then back down to Florida to see the kids...I can't wait! It'll be good to be with friends again, I really miss my friends...and, more than anything, I can't wait to hug and hold my babies :)

27 September 2009

Home is where the heart is...

and yet where is home when your heart is torn in two?

I am home. There is no question about that. Being home with Mom and Dad is possibly the most healing thing that I can do for myself right now. It's good to be with them, and not be alone at night, to take a break from the constant worry of daily life.

There is a joy in riding down the country roads with Dad in his pick-up truck, windows open, talking enough, but mostly just being in each other's company, listening to the radio and occasionally singing along to the same songs. Working with him to unload the branches from the truck and trailer and listening to his plans for the next house projects and knowing that I will be able to work with him on those too.

There is a joy in sitting in church with Dad and listening to Mom give a worship service and to be in the presence of those people who have been praying so much for me and the kids and who continue to pray. To be able to say that I'm looking for a job and hear someone say that they will keep their eye out for something. To be fully welcomed in a community as one of their own is an indescribable feeling.

There is something about this land as well. Something that calls me home here. It's not my mountains where I really long to be, but there is a freshness here. This open land dotted with fields and houses, horses and the occasional oil well. The open road that connects the farms to the small towns and then to the larger communities. The same open road that you could follow and in no time end up in another state. The star-studded night sky that is an amazing sight to behold, when it's not cloudy. I feel a peace in this land.

But only half of my heart is here, the other half is still in Florida. There is a constant nagging sadness, and no matter how happy and at peace I will feel here, that sadness will not go away. I miss my babies. I long to hug them and hold them. I look at their pictures constantly. And yet, I know that I must face this difficult time in order to discover the sweet rewards on the other side.